As city hosts we're here to help groups learn new things from the ministries, from each other, and from us, hopefully, if we're doing our jobs right. But I'm finding that I learn just as much from my groups as they're ever getting from the trip.
Sometimes that happens because a group is mirroring one of my own faults back to me. There was the one student I had in my first group, for example, who dealt with feeling awkward by isolating herself even more. We couldn't even get her to stand in the group photo at the end of the week. It was heart-wrenching from a leadership perspective--but then, despite watching her do that, seeing myself in her, and resolving to learn from it, I isolated myself from the Canadian group last week when I had trouble connecting with them. Whoops. I guess admitting the fault is the first step?
Something else that's coming up a lot this week is the poisonous effect of a negative attitude. I find hosting this week's group challenging because there is a lot of general negativity coming from the leadership. Since the students are young, that attitude really affects them. Complaints soon become persistent whining from all corners, which isn't fun for anyone. Maybe more importantly, it makes the trip less fun. Car rides are harrowing because people bicker and yell when we have to find parking. Ministry sites drag on because students are counting down the minutes until the next activity. Meals are miserable because we only have wheat bread, or there are bugs, or someone doesn't like fried plantains. Nothing is perfect, and therefore nothing is to your liking. There's fault to be found everywhere, but if it's all you're looking for, it's all you're going to remember.
I'm ragging on the group a little, but I'm really trying to rag on myself because I am also very quick to be negative--if not out loud, then certainly to myself. And it does ruin a lot of things for me! CSM is hard, but so is life, you know? The secret is that there are so many good things intermixed with the bad and if you dedicate yourself to finding them, it changes your whole outlook. Now, if only I did that myself more often.
With my what-not-to-do illustrations taken care of, though, I have to say I'm learning a lot by example. The number of totally awesome group leaders who have come through this CSM site is incredible and inspiring. They are patient; they are kind. They listen to their students and they love them fearlessly and unashamedly and loudly. They hate driving in the city and don't say a word about it. They have to pay $44 for parking because of my mistake and they do it without a snide comment. They get four hours of sleep every night because they're getting up early to do personal devotions every morning. They invite all the staff to milk-and-cookie parties at the end of the evening so they can get to know us better. They greet us with a genuine smile... before they've had their coffee. They engage their students at debrief, or chime in with really great stories and thoughts about the day. They buy us coffee; they buy us Slurpees; they buy us donuts. We can't get them to stop buying us things, actually. They put up with fifteen rounds per car trip of "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves." They are Jesus to their students and they are Jesus to us, and I love them all. If I manage to be like any one of them by the time I die I will have lived a good, good life.
Difficult things and annoying things aside, I definitely am having a ball this summer, and it's all because of (most of) the people.
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